Parker Written Review

Statham is great. But when it comes to him choosing movies he might be just ok. He picks inconsistently. He was good in Expendables 2 which was the first movie I reviewed on here. I didn't see Killer Elite. and Safe was just mediocre. So you know I trust him (for the most part)

Parker follows a master robber who has a team and they trade him. Once he finds out they're planning a huge new robbery he decides to stop them. He meets a lady played by Jennifer Lopez and they decide to team up.

Now I was mixed with expectations on this. Part of me trusted Statham and part didn't. Like I said he can be a bit inconsistent. But I still see his new films. And I'm sad to say this movie is just bad.

Parker is a very generic, predictable and unsatisfying film. The thing holding it down the most is it's very very predictable plot. By reading the story on IMDB and you'll know what happens. And it doesn't help when the first scene in the trailer starts out the movie. It's just painfully predictable and for that makes it kind of hard to watch. It goes from a very bloody film to an unsatisfying love story at spots which I found hard to calculate and understand. What does it want to be? It's love story which is very predictable is very easy to see coming. And it's now interesting.

The script is also very tonely confused. it has a very inconsistent tone. The script has 3 elements, love. action. and and jokes. They don't belond together here. They don't mashup well. It tries to make you laugh, but simpily, fails. They're plenty of jokes thrown at you and only a few hit atleast solidly. The tone which I said was confusing makes it's pretty satisfying action to an unsatisfying action. Which may not make to much sence but the action is good but by the end it's totally wasted on other thing. It's direction is also confused and unfocused. It really doesn't go anywhere. It just 3 simple things the whole time Love, Action, Jokes. The only one I found interesting was it's action. But like I said is just unsatisfying by the end.

The acting for the most part holds on strong. As always, even if he's in a bad movie, Statham is always good. He held most of the movie together from being a complete bore and mess. Jennifer Lopez who is suprisingly really solid here. She has desent chemistry with Jason. But they're chemistry when they first meet is just kind of lazy, like they don't wanna work together. Then towards the middle they think they're chemistry is a joke. then towards the end is love. Which I wouldn't call a spoiler cause it's predictable. And that ending was very confusing!

Overall, Parker has fun action, but it's bogged down by incredibly lazy direction, mediocre chemistry, contrived camera work, and sometimes underdeveloped characters. I'm giving it a strong....

Final Grade- C+

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters Written Review

They're are fairy tales that get made into movies, but not much when they're getting made about witch hunting. Everyonce in-a-while they're are films made like this and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and they're usually one solid one and one bad one. If I put Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters into one it would be solid.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters follows Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma A.) and they're kids who get left by the parents. And they take down a witch like two bad asses. 15 years later they're witch hunters. They are choosen to try and save these kids back from evil witches.

Now I was believe it or not but really really really looking foward to it cause I usually love movies like this. Like I should've liked Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter but I didn't. Anyways it was one of my most anticipated films of the year. I'm really glad to say I loved it.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters offers stylized and epic violence, a great storyline which forms into a film that has everything you need in a movie like this. It's violence is executed very well and how they plan it is just so well done. It has alot of gore and over-the-top-violence which I found to be cool. It's script for the most part imo is strong. I found my self consistently laughing and always entertained with everything in detail going on. They're were alot of scenes towards the 3rd act that I was laughing my ass off.

 "We have to save Edward" -Gretel

"Who the fuck is Edward?" -Hansel

that line had me laughing so hard.

It also has a bit of an inconsistent tone that I found kind of frustrating at points on end. It was horror mixed with comedy kind of like Dark Shadows except this didn't fail. I did think the mixed in together well but I think it could have been a bit more inconsistent. Also the witches in this movie are well done, the makeup, and everything. They might be not scary but they were well done. They sometimes do stupid things that made ma laugh. It also has a pretty solid script imo. Also, alot of people are nitpicking the cinematography, I thought it was actually very well shot. They get some really cool shots. They're are scenes that had kind of jarring camera work but for about 80% of the time I thought the cinematography was great tbh.

Overall, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters offers on cool over the top violence, and some of the best chemistry in a long time. Great deal of fun.

Final Grade- B+

Broken City Written Review

A duo like Crowe and Wahlberg should make atleast a desent film. And when I first saw it I thought it was "desent". But the more I simpily look at something about it or talk about it the more I dislike it.

Broken City follows ex cop (Mark Wahlberg) who is hired by the mayer (Russel Crowe) to sneak out and spy on his wife (Cathrine Zeta Jones) and soon he finds out he wasn't really hired for that, it was something else!

Now I was really really never looking foward to Broken City. At first I was cause I loved the cast. But simpily when the trailers came out I got less excited. I just wasn't a fan of the trailers. And I'm really sad to say I'm starting to hate it honestly. It is one of the most annoying, generic, dull and uninteresting movies in a long time. They're were plenty and plenty of scenes where I was rolling my eyes cause of how bored, uninteresting and stupid they were. There's a side plot about Mark Wahlberg's girlfriend has here premiere of her new fucking porn type movie that a damn indie and they get in a fight at a bar that I was laughing so hard at. It was so uninteresting and porrly written.

Of coarse the duo is good. Wahlberg and Crowe do have a slightly interesting friendship shown. They have great chemistry together, which made some of the movie fun to watch. But all the good stuff is just bogged down by it's incredibly uninteresting and ridiculously serious and dull script. The movie thinks it's briliant at times. But is lame for it's own good. The script is what held it down the most for me. It tries to make you laugh; but fails. It tries to keep you entertained; but fails.

Broken City is an uninteresting, messey, corny, dull and sortof awful filf that has jarring direction and cinematography, a rough plot and pacing. With some terribley uninteresting script. And it's laughable dialogue. I really didn't like Broken City.

Final Grade: C-

The Last Stand Written Review

Arnold is a classic action hero. Everytime you hear he's gonna be in a movie it's already in your most anticipated for the year. He is my favorite action here. I don't know about you but he's mine!

The Last Stand follows a cop (Arnold Schwarzengger) who is hired to stop a man who is holding one of his employes in hostage, and the more he finds out about it the more he gets involved in it.

Now like I said "everytime you hear Arnold's gonna be in a movie it's already one of your most anticipated films of the year" and in this case even if I didn't think the trailers were that great, it was still one of my most anticipated films of the year.

Now, I really liked The Last Stand. The thing that made me enjoy it as much as I did was it's not-so-serious tone. It is very consistent and the same through out. Which I thought made it take it's self goofy like. Kind of not so serious. It was really executed well. It's bounces well with blood and violence then comedy. It balances so well and towards the last act for sure. The last act had me laughing very consistently and kept me entertained the whole way through.

The direction for the most part in my opinion is kind of briliant. How the director balances everything here so well makes me wanna smile. It has a prefect balance of charatcer, action, comedy, tone and cinematography. It has some of the most twisty and fun roots it takes you through that is done really well. The cinematoraphy is really well done too they get some great shots that were really impressive.

The script for the most part works. Like I said everything here is well done. And calculates in a normal fasion of old stylized films that have everything The Last Stand has. It has old classic humor that was funny. An action thriller with hilarious humor! there was action and comedy in one and belt so well.

Overall, The Last Stand has everything an 80's alike action movie should have. And I kind of loved it for that.

Final Grade- B+

Django Unchained Written Review

Quetin Tarantino makes history of film that brings people to sides and most of each side loves his masterpeices. Tarantino is a talented and gifted human being who thinks of making some of the best movies out there. His movies don't only conclude of histroy,,, but of entertainment.

Django Unchained follows a slave named Django aka Jango if you don't count the silent D. He's bought by a bounty hunter played by Christoph Waltz, so basically Christoph Waltz character tries to help Django (Jamie Foxx) try and get his slaved wife (Kerry Washington) back from Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio)

Now I was dieing to see Django Unchained. it was my second most anticipated film of the fall 2012. It not only had great trailers and a great assembled cast and director. But it is from QUENTIN TARANTINO!!! Tarantino has made my favorite film of all time Inglorious Basterds and made my 6th favorite too PUlP FICTION and he made my 16th favorite film of all time RESERVOIR DOGS and he made Kill Bill Volume 1/2 which I still need to see and Jackie Brown which I also need to see and last but not least Death Proof. Which I might see.

Django Unchained is a masterfully directed, skyhigh batch of entertainment. Which might sound weird. My point is I loved Django Unchained.

Django Unchained has one of the best screenplays I've seen in a long time. It has some of the funniest and clever jokes and entertaining and slick action. It is a 2 hour 45 minute movie that honestly felt like 30 minutes. It does drag a few times but blah

It has Tarantino's touch that movies don't have humor, violence and gross out peformances. Jamie Foxx kicked complete ass as the main character that is "Django, the D is silent" Leonardo DiCaprio is good here but honestly his peformance was a bit overrated. His character is the genaric villian. Christoph Waltz is also fantastic. He has funny lines of witty dialogue and action packed scenes of eye poping stuff. Samuel L. Jackson is hilarious. He has some very raunchy lines theres one where he says.

"Give my the strength to kill this ------!" that will offend people but I gotta say it was funny.

The cinematography was great, The end action scene was hilarious and awesome. It had moments where I was on the edge of my seat and my eyes never came off the screen

Overall, Django Unchained has witty, suspense, clever, and brilliant scenes off direction, acting, screenplay, hilarity, and insueing action and it's everything I wanted from Django Unchained and that makes it........... THE BEST FILM OF 2012!!!!

Final Grade- A

Zero Dark Thirty Movie Review

I know it's been a while... December 22 was my last post. I've decided to give you guys reviews for 2 movies I loved and they're my 2 favorites of 2012. This is Zero Dark Thirty and next Django Unchained. I have seen others like Texas Chainsaw 3D, Gangster Squad, A Haunted House, The Impossible, Parental Guidance, This is 40, Jack Reacher, and throughout this month I'll right reviews for all of thoose movies. For today, Zero Dark Thirty and Django Unchained!

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Once in a film period theres a director who takes on tragedies and sometimes manage to get use of them and turn them into cinematic hitory. This time around it was Kathrine Bigelow took on the tragic and sad 9/11 attack. With Zero Dark Thirty. I was not dieing to see it. I usually dislike movies like this. But I honestly, I loved this movie.

Zero Dark Thirty follows Maya, a lady who leads the 10 year manhunt of Osama Bin Laden after the tragic 911 attach. That's really the story. But like I said I don't usually like movies like this. But Kathrine Bigelow knows how to make cinema history. She inplants such smart and interesting quirk that builds up in suspense, brilliant, and epic amount of ways that lead up to movies like this.

Zero Dark Thirty has a briliant script. They're were scenes that had me interested and on the edge of my seat. With scenes that had very homage and likeable characters and situlations happening. It has it's moments of laughter and tense scenes.

It has a storytelling that you would want. It's a tragedy that was sad and It had me wondering. (why, why?) and it built up to a structure that never gets too ridiculous and makes you ask whats it going for?

It has some of the best peformances ever. It has suspensfully directed scenes and by that I mean Bigelows direction had me on the edge of my seat. Jessica Chastain is fantastic here. She's talented, layered and great. She is one of the most likeable actresses out there and I sure do hope she wins Best Female Peformance at the academy... which I think she will.

Overall, Zero Dark Thirty is tense, suspensful, edgy, masterfully made that is a part of cinema history and will be talked about in 25 years from now. It's my second favorite film of 2012 behind the next reviewed movie I'll do....

Final Grade- A